The Believers
by Amy Lamare
One. Chris.
As the plane taxied down the runway and took off Chris Cavilleri had two things on his mind. The life he was leaving behind with every foot the plane gained in altitude and the life he’d left behind six years ago. Boston had been many things to him, law school, the associates position at a firm started by the venerable Fitzgerald (yes, those Fitzgeralds) family, the research position at Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government, Jayne-for better and for worse–Jayne, and of course, Kate. No matter what the subject, Chris could always find a way to bring it back to Kate.
While Boston had been the place Chris called home for the past ten years, in many ways, he’d never left Los Angeles. His undergraduate years contained some of his best and brightest memories. Chris and Kate and Jason. A threesome for eternity, or so they had all thought at the time. Inseparable throughout college, Jason dropped out of the group for awhile and for Chris and Kate this was a new beginning. When Jason resurfaced, it signaled the end.
Returning now after a decade to Los Angeles for a position as the President of an Internet startup, Chris really had only one thing on his mind. It had taken him less than ten minutes, the time it took the plane bound for the West Coast to achieve 30,000 feet, to boil the sum of his life down to his relationship with Kate. Would he have accepted this new job if it were in Dallas, he wondered. Hell, did it matter, Kate and Jason were the ones together now, he thought. But still, he had to admit a certain longing to see her again, even if they could never have what they had in the past. He smiled at the irony of the situation, the ink on his final divorce decree was not dry and he was on a plane headed toward a life and a love he’d distanced himself from long before he met Jayne. But had he, really?
Chris played the scene out in his head as he had a thousand times in the week preceding his move back to L.A. Their ten year college reunion. Kate and Jason were sure to be there, as shining examples of the film school’s reputation for minting successful writers and directors. And Chris would be there too. He’d played the fantasy over and over. How Kate would instinctively know he had entered the room, she’d turn, see him in the doorway, their eyes would meet, they’d drift toward one another as if in a dream, embrace, and all that had happened in the last six years of separation, all that had happened in the thirteen years he’d loved her, would all slip away and they’d start fresh. Thirteen years ago his life had been turned upside down. He smiled. Thirteen had always been his lucky number.
Chris closed his eyes and transported himself back in time to the day he met Kate.
Two. Chris.
Chris Cavalleri and Jason Sullivan had known one another for all of three hours and already they were best friends. It’s a once, maybe twice, in a lifetime event when you meet someone for the first time and just instinctively know they will alter your life in some way. These two eighteen year old boys sensed something deep and as yet undisturbed within one another and they weren’t going to let the other out of their sight until they figured it out. In the meantime, they became the best of friends.
It was September 1987 and Chris and Jason were residents of the co-ed Fluor Tower dorm at the University of Southern California. At first glance they could not be more different. Chris was on the tennis team, with California surfer looks, blond, green eyed, pre-law, rushing a fraternity. Jason was a film student, from Manhattan, tall, thin, dark hair and eyes, brooding. But on closer inspection they were cut from the same cloth. Both intelligent, driven, quick witted, sarcastic. And, as they would come to learn, obsessed with the same woman.
Chris stood in the doorway to their room staring with interest at the door across the hall.
“Whatcha looking at, genius?” Jason asked.
“Has anyone come in or out of that room all week?” Chris looked confused.
“No. So what?” Jason turned away.
“Just odd. Classes start tomorrow, you’d think they’d want to get settled.”
“Who cares, Chris? Probably local guys…”
Jason went back into the room. At that moment two girls rounded the corner and walked up to the very door Chris was staring at. But he wasn’t staring at the door any longer. His focus had shifted to one of the girls. Tall, almost as tall as Chris, with long, curly auburn hair. Chris visibly reddened when she turned her brilliant green eyes on him. .
The other girl suddenly noticed what was going on and laughed.
“Oh Lord. Here we go again.” She said.
At this comment the auburn haired beauty blushed.
“Hi. This,” she pointed to her companion, “is Kate. I’m Erin. We’ll be living across the hall from you.”
Chris grinned.
“Hi. I’m Chris Cavalleri.”
Jason came to the door.
“Katie?”
“Jason?”
“OhmyGod” They said in unison as they flew into one another’s arms.
Chris looked confused. “You know one another?”
Jason laughed. “Yeah. We met at summer camp in, what was it 6th grade?”
Kate shook her head. “Fifth grade. Summer before fifth grade.”
“You’re right. Anyway, we went to the same camp for two or three summers…”
“Until my family moved to Manhattan and suddenly, we were in the same class.” Kate said.
“But you moved again…where’d you go?” Jason asked Kate.
“Newport Beach, 10th grade. I can’t believe it, Jason Sullivan, oh my God!” She laughed. Chris and Jason looked at one another and smiled.
“Chris Cavilleri, this is my long long long lost friend Katie Carson. And, Katie, I might add, damn you’ve changed.”
Kate smiled. “Hi Chris. Nice to meet you. Unfortunate you’ve got this loser for a roommate, but, well, rest assured, respite is but a few feet away.” She said as she pointed towards her door.
Jason picked up one of the suitcases Kate had dropped when they hugged and followed her into her room, catching up on old times the whole way.
Chris went back into his room and sat down on his bed, shell shocked. “Oh my God.” He muttered under his breath. “Oh my God.”
Jason re-entered the room in high spirits. “What’s with you?”
Chris looked up at him.
“She’s incredible.”
Jason laughed. “Oh man. You should’ve seen her at 10, she could climb a tree like no one I’ve ever seen. All legs… come to think of it, she still is.” Jason laughed. “Don’t worry buddy, you’ll get over it.”
Deadly serious, Chris looked at him and said: “I hope so. I don’t think I can take too much of this violent hammering in my chest.”
Jason laughed. Chris didn’t.
Three. Kate.
Kate looked around her at the towers of boxes in her new home. She walked over to the living room fireplace. She ran her hand across the mantle. Walked over to a box and withdrew a silver picture frame. She placed it carefully in the center of the mantle and looked at the smiling little girl in the photo. Kate ran her finger across the face in the picture and smiled. She walked out into the center of the room, put her arms out and laughed. She turned around and around, spinning like a child, spinning and singing.
“Cause I’m free, to do what I want, any old time…” She sang and continued spinning until she sat down dizzy from her game.
Her eyes came to rest on the box nearest her and she smiled. It was marked “College.” She opened it, pulled out a photo album and lay on her stomach on the floor looking at the pictures. She smiled a bittersweet, tender smile and took a photo out of the album. She got up and walked back to the mantle and placed the photo next to the framed photo of her daughter. It was graduation day. Kate, Chris and Jason, arm in arm, grinning like the world was theirs for the taking. She ran her finger across Chris’ face and smiled, started to run her finger across Jason’s face and stopped midway thru. She sighed.
“What happened to us? When did it get so complicated?” Kate walked away from the picture, out of the room. Kate entered her new kitchen and took a soda from the refrigerator. She looked thru the stack of mail on the counter. Picked up the invitation for her ten-year college reunion.
“Why not? Why the hell not? He doesn’t own the school. Not yet at least.”
She picked up a pen and filled out the RSVP card, sealed it in an envelope and put it back down, pale. “Oh, Chris…”
The doorbell rang and Kate smiled. She walked thru her new home, touching everything as she made her way to the front door. She could see her ex-husband, Jason, through the glass and hear their daughter, Megan, chattering away.
“But Daddy, will Mommy be able to find my blanket and my bunny and my turtle in all the boxes? What if they got lost, Daddy, what if?”
Jason bent down and picked Megan up just as Kate opened the door. “Meggie, baby, I am sure Mommy knows exactly where your blanket and bunny and turtle are. Hi Hon.”
Kate flinched at the term of endearment. Jason shrugged. “Sorry.” He said.
“Megan…why don’t you run up and check your new bedroom-I think you’ll find everything you’re looking for up there.”
The five year old girl with the auburn curls and deep brown eyes kissed her parents and ran upstairs, yelling to her stuffed animals and dolls the whole way. Kate and Jason smiled.
“She is by far the best thing we ever produced together.” Kate said.
Jason grinned. “Yes, but ‘A Year in Paris’ is a close second.” Jason said, knowing it would get to Kate.
Kate turned and walked away. Jason followed. “Oh come on Kate, you know I’m kidding.”
Kate turned to face him. Opened her mouth, then shut it. “I know. Sorry. Do you want something to drink?”
“Sure. Got any Coke?”
Kate laughed. “I’m offended you could even ask that. It’s the only vice we share.”
Jason grinned. “Come on Kate, not the only vice…” Jason said suggestively. Kate ignored the comment.
The couple entered the kitchen, Kate took a Coke out of the refrigerator and they sat on barstools at the island. The tension between them was palpable.
Jason saw the college reunion invite on the counter.
“You going?” He asked.
“Yes. You?”
He paused. “I don’t know.”
Kate sighed. “It’s a big class, Jas. We can both go.”
Jason looked deep into her eyes. “Is it big enough though?”
Kate looked away. “Maybe not.”
Jason stood up. “So, how about the grand tour?”
Kate stood. “Absolutely.” She led him out of the kitchen and into the living room. He looked at the piles and piles of boxes.
“Love what you’ve done with the place, Katie.”
Kate smiled. “I had no idea I had so much stuff.”
Jason walked over to the mantle and ran his finger across the picture of Megan just as Kate had done earlier. He picked up the graduation photo and smiled.
“Wow. Look at this. Seems like a million years ago.”
“It was.” Kate walked over, stood next to him, looked at the photo too. Kate stood between Jason and Chris in the photo.
“Had we started dating yet?”
Kate shook her head. “No, no way. Not until two years later, remember? When we were both PA’s on that terrible Sam Stintson film.”
Jason laughed. “Oh Gawd. Yes. Horrible film.” Jason looked at Kate. “I’m really sorry, you know that, right?”
Kate bit her lip. “I know.”
Jason’s brow furrowed. “Does it matter?”
Kate looked deep into his eyes for a long moment, as if considering. “No.”
Jason shrugged. “Well, I guess I should go then.”
Kate nodded. “Yes.”
Jason turned to Kate and she walked into his arms. They stood hugging one another for a long while. Jason kissed Kate’s forehead.
“I’ll go up and say bye to Meggie and let myself out.”
Kate stared at the floor. “OK.”
Jason put his finger under her chin and lifted it so that her eyes met his. “I do love you, Katie.”
Kate looked away. Jason again guided her face back so she was looking at him. He waited for her to answer him, say something. She just looked at him, her eyes growing harder and colder by the moment. Jason leaned in and kissed her, deeply. Kate pulled away.
“Goodbye, Jason.”
Jason sighed. “Goodbye Kate.”
He walked out of the room and upstairs to his daughter’s room. Kate found that she was still holding the graduation photo. She stared at it for a few moments, until she heard the front door slam. She turned around and replaced it on the mantle, face down.
Megan yelled down from the top of the stairs. “Mommy, can we paint my room purple?”
Kate smiled and walked to the foot of the stairs. “Purple?”
“Yes Mommy. Me and bunny and turtle, Purple is our favorite.”
Kate suppressed a laugh. “Then of course we’ll paint it purple.”
“Yay!” Megan went back into her room. Kate walked back in the living room with every intention of unpacking. Instead she walked over to the overstuffed chair by the window and collapsed. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back, allowing herself to relax, even if only for a moment.
She opened her eyes and her gaze fell once again on the box marked “College.” She smiled and muttered under her breath. “And what have you been up to in the past six years Chris Cavilleri?”
Kate leaned back in the chair once again and smiled, losing herself in the memories, remembering the day Chris finally stopped being afraid of her.
Four. Kate.
Kate noticed a familiar figure sitting on the edge of the fountain in the center of campus.
“Chris!”
Chris looked up and smiled. Kate walked over and sat down.
“Kate.” He smiled. “I didn’t think you’d remember.”
Kate looked confused. “Remember what?”
Chris laughed. “Last semester. You bet me that I’d stop blushing around you by fall and be sitting on the fountain on the first day of classes waiting for you.”
Kate laughed. “Oh yeah. And you turned beet red and stammered some reply.”
Chris laughed again and pretended to be offended. “I think I was trying to tell you I wasn’t afraid of you.”
“Yeah, right.” Kate laughed.
Chris smiled. “Its wonderful to see you, Kate.”
Kate looked at him, thinking the summer was good to him, thinking he looked totally kissable. “You too Chris.”
Chris stood up. “I’ve got to go to class. See you around?”
Kate was stunned. “Yeah, sure…I guess…when are you…” But he had already walked away. Kate blushed, then laughed. “Now who’s afraid of whom, Cavalleri?”
Kate still sat on the edge of the fountain wondering what had just conspired when Jason wandered past.
“Jason!”
Jason turned and smiled. He walked over and sat down next to Kate.
“Katie! How was your summer?”
“Great. Spent the whole thing at the beach. How bout you?”
Jason smiled. Looked left. Looked right. “Girlfriend. I’ve got one.”
Kate laughed. “No way. How’d you manage that?”
Jason smiled. “She’s older. A senior. And…UCLA.”
“No! Jason how could you?”
Jason turned serious. “I may be in serious trouble with this one, my friend. Melanie. She makes me crazy.”
“But that’s great Jas. Really great.”
Jason smiled. “It is. What about you?”
Kate laughed. “Me? Nope. Nothing. Single as can be. You and Chris living together this year?”
“That’s what I love about you. Subtle as a ton of bricks.”
“Well? Are you?”
“So you’ve seen our boy then, have you? Summer was good to him, huh.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, Jas. So what’s his story?”
“Now, now Katie love, you can’t go breaking up our perfect troika by falling for one of us.”
“Jason!”
He smiled and put his arm around her. “The answer is yes. We are living together. No. He doesn’t have a girlfriend. But bad news for you, he’s got you all figured out.”
“Figured out? What do you mean figured out?”
Jason shrugged. “Damned if I know. That’s just what he keeps muttering under his breath.”
Kate laughed. “I see.” She punched him in the arm. “So you’ll…”
Jason stood up. “Unlike you Katie, I’m subtle. And the answer is yes, I’ll find out what his muttering is about and report back to you.”
“Thanks Jas. So, when do I get to meet Melanie?”
Jason laughed. “Yeah, right. I like this girl Kate, I can’t introduce her to you until we’ve got you paired off.”
“Now what does that mean?”
Jason smiled. “Better that you don’t know. I’ll call you later. Hey…are you taking 313 this semester?”
“Yes. Wednesdays with DiCarlo.”
“Cool. Me too. Anyway, I’ll call you later.”
“K. See ya later Jas.”
“Later Katie.”
Jason walked away. Kate sat back down on the edge of the fountain. After a moment she started grinning.
Five. Chris.
Chris opened his eyes and seemed surprised to find himself on a plane, so lost in memories he’d been for the past hour or so. He stared out the window and said a little prayer. A prayer for a poker face when he saw them again. So Jason would think it was all behind him. So Kate would think he truly had moved on. So neither one would know how conflicted he still felt about all of it.
He thought about the way his life has turned out so far. This was just not the way it was supposed to be. He was happy enough in his career, although apprehensive about this latest leap in a new direction. He just never figured he’d be married and divorced in the space of two years. He never thought he’d lose contact with Kate and Jason. He never thought his life would be so radically different from what it was ten years earlier, even six years earlier. Back in the days when his illusions were in tact and he still believed that two people who loved one another would end up together.
He smiled wryly and the woman in the seat next to him wondered what he was thinking about. Chris looked out the window, wondering when it had been, at what moment exactly Kate had decided to leave him for Jason. At what precise moment had the woman he loved decided to leave him for his best friend? He preferred not to think about the more than significant role he had played in her decision.
He tried not to think about the five years they’d dated. Well, dated on and off and on and off and so on. Chris felt a familiar tightening in his chest when he remembered the look on Kate’s face sophomore year after he’d gotten his first D ever on a midterm and made his first fateful choice, that school had to come first. School had to come before everything. How crushed Kate had been, and how he had most certainly lived to regret that choice.
Instead he preferred to dwell on the beginnings of their love affair. On the intensely amusing first date they had that fall of their sophomore year and the change in the dynamics between Kate and Jason and himself that had led to the date.
Copyright 2008 by Amy Lamare. all rights reserved.
The Believers by Amy Lamare is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at www.amylamare.com.
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